Mean mr. Mustard sleeps in the park,

Shaves in the dark, trying to save paper.

Sleeps in a hole in the road;

Saving up to buy some clothes;

Keeps a ten bob note up his nose.

Such a mean old man,

Such a mean old man.

His sister Pam works in a shop,

She never stops, she's a go getter.

Takes him out to look at the Queen;

Only place that he's ever been.

Always shouts out something obscene.

Such a dirty old man,

Dirty old man.