Sunday, February 27th [1814]
Here I am, alone, instead of dining at Lord H.'s, where I was asked,—but not inclined to go any where. Hobhouse says I am growing a
loup garou
,—a solitary hobgoblin.
True
;—"I am myself alone."
The last week has been passed in reading—seeing plays—now and then visitors—sometimes yawning and sometimes sighing, but no writing,—save of letters. If I could always read, I should never feel the want of society. Do I regret it?—um!—"
Man
delights not me,"
and only one woman—at a time.
There is something to me very softening in the presence of a woman,—some strange influence, even if one is not in love with them—which I cannot at all account for, having no very high opinion of the sex. But yet,—I always feel in better humour with myself and every thing else, if there is a woman within ken.
Even
Mrs. Mule
, my firelighter,—the most ancient and withered of her kind,—and (except to myself) not the best-tempered—always makes me laugh,—no difficult task when I am "i' the vein."
Heigho! I would I were in mine island!—I am not well; and yet I look in good health. At
times
, I fear, "I am not in my perfect mind;"
—and yet my heart and head have stood many a crash, and what should ail them now?
They
prey upon themselves, and I am sick—sick —"Prithee, undo this button—why should a cat, a rat, a dog have life—and thou no life at all?"
Six-and-twenty years, as they call them, why, I might and should have been a Pasha by this time. "I '
gin
to be a-weary of the sun."
Buonaparte
is not yet beaten; but has rebutted Blucher, and repiqued Schwartzenburg
. This it is to have a head. If he again wins,
Væ victis!
Footnote 1:
"I am myself alone."
Henry VI.
, Part III. act v. sc. 6.
Footnote 2:
Hamlet
, act ii. sc. 2.
Footnote 3:
"This ancient housemaid, of whose gaunt and witch-like appearance it would be impossible to convey any idea but by the pencil, furnished one among the numerous instances of Lord Byron's proneness to attach himself to any thing, however homely, that had once enlisted his good nature in its behalf, and become associated with his thoughts. He first found this old woman at his lodgings in Bennet Street, where, for a whole season, she was the perpetual scarecrow of his visitors. When, next year, he took chambers in Albany, one of the great advantages which his friends looked to in the change was, that they should get rid of this phantom. But, no,—there she was again—he had actually brought her with him from Bennet Street. The following year saw him married, and, with a regular establishment of servants, in Piccadilly; and here,—as Mrs. Mule had not made her appearance to any of the visitors,—it was concluded, rashly, that the witch had vanished. One of those friends, however, who had most fondly indulged in this persuasion, happening to call one day when all the male part of the establishment were abroad, saw, to his dismay, the door opened by the same grim personage, improved considerably in point of babiliments since he last saw her, and keeping pace with the increased scale of her master's household, as a new peruke, and other symptoms of promotion, testified. When asked 'how he came to carry this old woman about with him from place to place,' Lord Byron's only answer was, 'The poor old devil was so kind to me' " (Moore).
Footnote 4:
King Lear
, act iv. sc. 7.
Footnote 5:
"Why should a dog, a horse, a rat have life,
And thou no breath at all?"
King Lear
, act v. sc. 3.
Footnote 6:
"I 'gin to be a-weary of the sun,
And wish the estate of the world were now undone."
Macbeth
, act v. sc. 5.
Footnote 7:
Napoleon fought the battle of Nangis against Blucher on the 17th of February, 1814, and that of Montereau against Prince Schwartzenberg on the following day.
