LXI.—To Viret.[239]

New expression of the repugnances and terrors which Calvin feels in prospect of his returning to Geneva.

Ulm, 1st March 1541.

When your letter was delivered to me, we were then ready for the journey, and I do not remember ever in my life a more noisy and troublesome outsetting; so, on that account, as I could not reply myself, I therefore left it in charge with Claude Feray, whom you have seen with me at Basle, and to my brother, to write to Farel and let him understand what were my thoughts. Having at length got an interval of leisure, though ever so small, I have felt desirous to write you while upon the journey; you will, however, excuse that I reply to you so confusedly and so briefly, because I have not your letter beside me, so as to see at once the different heads of it in their right order, and so to consider them with attention; neither is there time enough allowed to the wayfarer at the inn to enable him to commit to writing anything duly weighed, or, as it were, to fasten his thoughts well together; but as well as I recollect there were two principal heads. In the first, you point out that I ought not to desert the Church of Geneva; in the other, you also strongly enforce the desirableness of hastening my return, that Satan may not throw some hindrance in the way should we make a more lengthened sojourn. To the former I can make no other reply than what I have been always in the habit of returning, that there is no place under heaven of which I can have a greater dread, not because I have hated it, but because I see so many difficulties presented in that quarter which I do feel myself far from being equal to surmount. Whenever the recollection of former times recurs to my mind, I cannot but shudder throughout with heartfelt alarm at the thought, that I may be forced to expose myself a second time to these sort of contests. Had I merely to superintend that church, I would feel more at ease upon the matter, certainly I would be much less alarmed at the prospect, but you must understand well enough that there is much more in this matter than I can describe. This much, however, I may say in one word, while from many tokens I wot very well that he whom you wot of, who can do the most mischief of all, entertains an implacable hatred towards me: when I call to mind how all around him there lie open to his hand so many inlets of approach on every side, ready for mischief-making, how many bellows may be set agoing for lighting up the fires of contention, how many opportunities presented which I can never be well provided against, it quite appals me. In the city itself there are many other difficulties which cause me no little anxiety even now. The further I proceed, the clearer do I perceive how arduous a charge it is to rule in the superintendence of a church; albeit I would not flinch from doing my utmost to help that Church in her wretchedness, but would be most ready to do so whenever it shall be given me to understand that I can be of any service; for howsoever certain considerations may rather alarm me in this enterprise, though they do operate rather as a drawback while they hold my mind's resolve somewhat in suspense, they cannot, however, drive this out of me, that I must be adoing to my very uttermost whatsoever I shall have concluded to be most for her welfare and prosperity. Farel can vouch for me that I had never, even by a single word, shrunk back from that call; but only that I earnestly entreated, lest through unadvisedness the already forlorn Church should suffer a second dispersion, and, in the meanwhile, I have shewn clearly enough that I desired nothing more wishfully than to spend even my very soul where there might be any need for it. By very clear and convincing arguments I could, were you present, make it quite plain to you, that I have here concealed nothing from you; but this, indeed, appeared most evidently to myself, for when the deputations from Geneva had arrived at Worms, with many tears I besought our friends, by everything sacred, that putting me entirely out of their thoughts, they would well and carefully consider, as in the sight of God, what might be most for the benefit of the Church, now imploring their present relief and further help. When we came home, although no one took up the matter, I never ceased to exhort that they would seriously advise about that spiritual charge; nor indeed were they themselves, I do assure you, at all wanting in their duty; but, as I in some measure anticipated, it was almost immediately thereupon resolved that I should be conjoined with Bucer. This did not appear to me to have been done upon any previous understanding or arrangement; as I have formerly written to Farel, so now do I also solemnly assure you; for indeed it almost looked as if it had been determined on before we returned from Worms, and that by the advisement of those who were thinking very little about Geneva. Indeed, were you even to ask me the reason why I was sent at all, I see no cause for it; but, nevertheless, however unfit I may be, it was no part of my duty to refuse. My going thither, therefore, was unavoidable, unless I would everywhere hear the worst of it. And thereupon, until the arrival of your letter, when there was no longer any room for deliberation, I thought that you would hold me even more than excusable, on a right understanding of the whole affair. You have now wherewithal to satisfy both your requirements, that up to this date I have never refused to come, nor could hitherto have done so. Further, this I promise you, that in time to come I will not think of changing my opinion upon the propriety of proceeding thither, except some far more overruling power had foreclosed the way against me; for I am so taken up about the care of that church, as it is only reasonable to suppose I would be, that already somehow, I cannot tell how it happens, I begin to feel more of an inclination to take the helm in hand should circumstances so require. Thus, however, we agreed among ourselves, that immediately after our return I proceed thither along with Bucer, that we may take counsel in common, according to present circumstances, as to what may be most advisable, and not as to the settlement of a pastor merely, but that we may take some thought about the complete restoration of the Church. In this way a deliverance upon the whole matter will have greater weight of authority, and will be more fixed and certain for the future, since those also will have lent their sanction to it from whom afterwards the most would have to be feared. The head of discipline once settled, they will be bound by their own judgment to make no further remonstrance: nor can they well set agoing any measure for disturbing the order of our discipline. In the meantime, my dear brother, I entreat of you, for Christ's sake, that you do not despair or lose courage. The more uncertain it may be how long we shall be here, the less on that account ought the thought of further delay to vex or annoy you. I am well aware, that there are very many annoyances which cannot but occasion you much trouble and anxiety; but bethink yourself that the charge is at present laid upon you by the Lord, of supporting and maintaining that Church, whose welfare you have at heart, until our arrival. The day before I received your letter, I had excused myself to your council, that for the present I could not come thither. I trust that my excuse has been accepted.

Farewell, my very kind brother and right-minded friend. Salute respectfully on my behalf all the godly. The Lord the Spirit, may he confirm you in every good work.

[Calvin's Lat. Corresp. Opera, tom. ix. p. 14.]