XVII.—To Louis du Tillet.[99]

Reply to doubts as to the lawfulness of his call—inward assurance of his calling—declines the kind offer of Louis du Tillet—appeals to the tribunal of God from the accusation of schism charged on him by his friend.

Strasbourg, 20th October 1538.

Prolonged and lengthened as the time has been during which our Lord has made me feel the exhortations and remonstrances which are contained in your letter, I cannot but take them in good part, unless, indeed, I would give the lie to my own conscience. I learn therefrom, that in the dealings which our Lord has taken with me, I should find both material and occasion for the acknowledgment of my faults. Neither am I content to examine myself only and call them to mind, but, as was my duty, I have made no difficulty to confess them in the presence of those who would have been better pleased to justify me than to ween that there was any need to blame myself. True it is that, so far as our adversaries are concerned, I have, with good reason, always maintained mine innocence, suchlike as I could testify it before God. And, in like manner, I have never yielded to those who set themselves up rashly to sit in judgment, as for the most part overforward to determine the nature of the malady while ignorant of its root. But I have never failed to declare, whether it was in public or in private, that we must accept that calamity as a singularly remarkable chastisement of our ignorance as well as of our other vices which called for it. Whatsoever are my peculiar faults as an individual, while I can discern very many, yet I hold, nevertheless, that I do not perceive the greatest of them, even the grosser faults. Wherefore, I pray the Lord that he would make them more clearly manifest to me from day to day. Those which you point out are not to be laid to my charge. If there was any ground to dispute my call, I believe that you have got no such reasons to impugn my ministry, but the Lord has furnished me with more firm and stable ones for my confirmation. If you entertain some doubt about that, it is enough for me that it is quite clear to my own satisfaction, and not only so, but that I can approve it to those who are willing to submit their censures to the test of truth. You do well to admonish me that it is wrong to confide too much in one's own understanding, for I know my range to be such that I cannot presume ever so little upon myself without exceeding. I would, however, request of you to believe that the complaints which, on other occasions, you have heard me make, were not the utterances of hypocrisy, for they testified that I was well aware of my insufficiency for the charge I hold.

You dwell very much upon the point, that it might be painful to us to make retractions under the fear of the imputation of trifling, when we have formed a rash and inconsiderate determination. For my own part, as I know well enough that by good right I ought to fear lest that foolish ambition should so far hoodwink me as to deflect the straightforwardness of my judgment, so, on the other hand, I hope that our Lord will not leave me so far to myself as to fall into such a degree of pride, that for the sake of preserving mine own honour scatheless I would wilfully oppose myself to his truth. I have discussed this question with some eminent persons whom you know. I cannot, even now, see the case in any other light than that which I have declared. I know not whether the witness who was present has brought you any random report of what took place, as he has a shrewd turn at upsetting and embroiling whatsoever he puts his hand to.

Concerning that objection of condemning others, I feel constrained to make one observation, which possibly shall not be pleasing to you. I would that you should take a part of these observations to yourself. For in calling the darkness light throughout the whole of your letter, you do condemn those who walk far more straightforwardly in regard to that matter than any of yourselves.[100] I shall not enter upon a disputation, for neither is that your intention; but I would like to know what equity there is in a person who passes judgment in his closet, condemning all those who maintain their doctrine daily openly before all the world, and who thinks, notwithstanding, that it is presumption in those others to dare to condemn the manifest enemies of God and of his majesty. What you have said in reference to that question I take as proceeding from a good intention, but must attribute it to a very different spirit from that of God. Touching my retirement, I confess to you that I have found somewhat strange the first word which you have spoken to me regarding it, as to seeking the means of returning to a place where I would be as it were in a sort of hell.[101] The earth is the Lord's, you will say, but I beg you will allow me to follow the rule of my conscience, which I know to be surer than yours. As to my resuming the charge, I could indeed have wished to be believed and taken at my word; and had I only had to do with those whom you might consider too inconsiderately and obstinately determined on setting men to work, I should have been in no hurry to do so; but when the most moderate of them all threaten that the Lord would find me out as he did Jonah; and when they come to such words as these, "Suppose to yourself the Church to be lost through your fault alone. What better course of repentance lies open to you than to dedicate yourself wholly to the Lord? You who are endowed with such gifts, with what conscience can you decline the ministry which is offered to you? &c...."[102] What else to do I knew not, except to state the reasons which deterred me, in order that I might follow my own inclination with their consent. When that was to no purpose, I concluded that I had no alternative, in such a state of perplexity, but to follow that which I thought was pointed out to me by the servants of God. I give you my hearty assurance that care about the body would not have brought me to that conclusion, for I had seriously pondered the question of setting about the gaining of a livelihood for myself in some private station, which I think is not altogether impossible; but I have decided that the will of God has otherwise disposed. If I have erred, reprove me, I beseech you, only let it not be by a simple explicit condemnation, to which I can attribute no authority, against so many reasons and the testimony of individuals who are nowise contemptible, nor ought they to be so accounted in your esteem.

You have made me an offer for which I cannot sufficiently thank you; neither am I so rude and unmannerly as not to feel the unmerited kindness so deeply, that even in declining to accept it, I can never adequately express the obligation that I owe you.[103] I shall abstain, however, as much as possible, from being burdensome to any one, but principally to you, who have already in the past been put to too much expense. My aliment at present costs me nothing. To meet my necessary requirements over and above my daily bread, the money for the books will furnish somewhat, for I hope that you will kindly give me others in case of need. Had you addressed your proposition to me in such terms as to have left no imputation, but only on myself personally, I could easily have put up with it. But inasmuch as you do injustice to the truth of God, and to his servants, it has on my part been inevitable that I must reply briefly, in order that you may not indulge the notion that I have acquiesced. I believe that you have considered our affliction to be quite sufficient to cast me into the utmost perplexity, even such as to throw all former trials into the shade. I have been greatly afflicted, it is true, but never to such a degree as to have to say, Nescio ubi sint viæ Domini, (I know not where are the ways of the Lord,) wherefore these temptations are tried upon me in vain.

One of my companions[104] is now before God to render account of the cause which has been common to him and me. When we come thither, it will be known on which side the rashness and desertion has been. It is thither that I appeal from the judgments of all the worldly-wise sages, who think their simple word has weight enough for our condemnation. There, the angels of God will bear witness who are the schismatics.

After having humbly commended myself to your good-will I shall entreat our Lord that he would uphold and keep you in his holy protection, so directing you, that you decline not from his way.—Your humble servant and sincere friend,

Charles d'Espeville.

[Fr. Copy—Imperial Library of Paris. Fonds Baluze, 8069-5.]