ACT V. SCENE I. The park

Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL

  HOLOFERNES. Satis quod sufficit.
  NATHANIEL. I praise God for you, sir. Your reasons at dinner have
    been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty
    without affection, audacious without impudency, learned without
    opinion, and strange without heresy. I did converse this quondam
    day with a companion of the King's who is intituled, nominated,
    or called, Don Adriano de Armado.
  HOLOFERNES. Novi hominem tanquam te. His humour is lofty, his
    discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his
    gait majestical and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous, and
    thrasonical. He is too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd,
    as it were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
  NATHANIEL. A most singular and choice epithet.
                                      [Draws out his table-book]
  HOLOFERNES. He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than
    the staple of his argument. I abhor such fanatical phantasimes,
    such insociable and point-devise companions; such rackers of
    orthography, as to speak 'dout' fine, when he should say 'doubt';
    'det' when he should pronounce 'debt'- d, e, b, t, not d, e, t.
    He clepeth a calf 'cauf,' half 'hauf'; neighbour vocatur
    'nebour'; 'neigh' abbreviated 'ne.' This is abhominable- which he
    would call 'abbominable.' It insinuateth me of insanie: ne
    intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic.
  NATHANIEL. Laus Deo, bone intelligo.
  HOLOFERNES. 'Bone'?- 'bone' for 'bene.' Priscian a little
    scratch'd; 'twill serve.

Enter ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD

  NATHANIEL. Videsne quis venit?
  HOLOFERNES. Video, et gaudeo.
  ARMADO. [To MOTH] Chirrah!
  HOLOFERNES. Quare 'chirrah,' not 'sirrah'?
  ARMADO. Men of peace, well encount'red.
  HOLOFERNES. Most military sir, salutation.
  MOTH. [Aside to COSTARD] They have been at a great feast of
    languages and stol'n the scraps.
  COSTARD. O, they have liv'd long on the alms-basket of words. I
    marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word, for thou are
    not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus; thou art
    easier swallowed than a flap-dragon.
  MOTH. Peace! the peal begins.
  ARMADO. [To HOLOFERNES] Monsieur, are you not lett'red?
  MOTH. Yes, yes; he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a, b, spelt
    backward with the horn on his head?
  HOLOFERNES. Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
  MOTH. Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.
  HOLOFERNES. Quis, quis, thou consonant?
  MOTH. The third of the five vowels, if You repeat them; or the
    fifth, if I.
  HOLOFERNES. I will repeat them: a, e, I-
  MOTH. The sheep; the other two concludes it: o, U.
  ARMADO. Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet touch,
    a quick venue of wit- snip, snap, quick and home. It rejoiceth my
    intellect. True wit!
  MOTH. Offer'd by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.
  HOLOFERNES. What is the figure? What is the figure?
  MOTH. Horns.
  HOLOFERNES. Thou disputes like an infant; go whip thy gig.
  MOTH. Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about your
    infamy circum circa- a gig of a cuckold's horn.
  COSTARD. An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst have it
    to buy ginger-bread. Hold, there is the very remuneration I had
    of thy master, thou halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of
    discretion. O, an the heavens were so pleased that thou wert but
    my bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me! Go to;
    thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers' ends, as they say.
  HOLOFERNES. O, I smell false Latin; 'dunghill' for unguem.
  ARMADO. Arts-man, preambulate; we will be singuled from the
    barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the charge-house on the
    top of the mountain?
  HOLOFERNES. Or mons, the hill.
  ARMADO. At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
  HOLOFERNES. I do, sans question.
  ARMADO. Sir, it is the King's most sweet pleasure and affection to
    congratulate the Princess at her pavilion, in the posteriors of
    this day; which the rude multitude call the afternoon.
  HOLOFERNES. The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is liable,
    congruent, and measurable, for the afternoon. The word is well
    cull'd, chose, sweet, and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do assure.
  ARMADO. Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my familiar, I do
    assure ye, very good friend. For what is inward between us, let
    it pass. I do beseech thee, remember thy courtesy. I beseech
    thee, apparel thy head. And among other importunate and most
    serious designs, and of great import indeed, too- but let that
    pass; for I must tell thee it will please his Grace, by the
    world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder, and with his royal
    finger thus dally with my excrement, with my mustachio; but,
    sweet heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no fable:
    some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness to impart
    to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen the world;
    but let that pass. The very all of all is- but, sweet heart, I do
    implore secrecy- that the King would have me present the
    Princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation, or show,
    or pageant, or antic, or firework. Now, understanding that the
    curate and your sweet self are good at such eruptions and sudden
    breaking-out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you withal,
    to the end to crave your assistance.
  HOLOFERNES. Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies.
    Sir Nathaniel, as concerning some entertainment of time, some
    show in the posterior of this day, to be rend'red by our
    assistance, the King's command, and this most gallant,
    illustrate, and learned gentleman, before the Princess- I say
    none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
  NATHANIEL. Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?
  HOLOFERNES. Joshua, yourself; myself, Alexander; this gallant
    gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great
    limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the page, Hercules.
  ARMADO. Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for that
    Worthy's thumb; he is not so big as the end of his club.
  HOLOFERNES. Shall I have audience? He shall present Hercules in
    minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a snake; and I
    will have an apology for that purpose.
  MOTH. An excellent device! So, if any of the audience hiss, you may
    cry 'Well done, Hercules; now thou crushest the snake!' That is
    the way to make an offence gracious, though few have the grace to
    do it.
  ARMADO. For the rest of the Worthies?
  HOLOFERNES. I will play three myself.
  MOTH. Thrice-worthy gentleman!
  ARMADO. Shall I tell you a thing?
  HOLOFERNES. We attend.
  ARMADO. We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I beseech you,
    follow.
  HOLOFERNES. Via, goodman Dull! Thou has spoken no word all this
    while.
  DULL. Nor understood none neither, sir.
  HOLOFERNES. Allons! we will employ thee.
  DULL. I'll make one in a dance, or so, or I will play
    On the tabor to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.
  HOLOFERNES. Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away.
                                                          Exeunt