CHAPTER CLXIV.

AN ENQUIRY IN THE POULTRY-YARD, INTO THE TRUTH OF AN OPINION EXPRESSED BY ARISTOTLE.

This is some liquor poured out of his bottle;
A deadly draught for those of Aristotle.
                                  J. C. sometime of M. H. Oxon.

Aristotle was of opinion that those animals which have been tamed, or are capable of being so, are of a better nature, or higher grade, than wild ones, and that it is advantageous for them that they should be brought into subjection by man, because under his protection they are safe.

Τὰ μὲν γὰρ ἣμερα τῶν αγριων βελτίω την φυσιν, τούτοις δε πασι βέλτιον αρχεσθαι ὐπ᾿ ανθρωπου, τυγχάνει γαρ σωτηρίας οὕτως.

Our Philosopher was not better disposed to agree with Aristotle upon this point, than with the more commonly received notion of Father Luis de Granada. He thought that unless men were more humane in the days of Alexander the Great, than they are now, and than they have been in all times of which we have any knowledge, the Stagyrite must have stated what ought to be, rather than what is.

So our Philosopher thought; and so I, faithfully retaining the lessons of my beloved Master am prepared to prove. I will go no farther than to the Poultry Yard, and borrowing the names of the Dramatis Personæ from a nursery story, one of his Uncle William's, which has been told with the greatest possible success to all my children in succession, as it was to me, and their Uncles and Aunts before them, I will question the Poultry upon the subject, and faithfully report their evidence.

Voi ch' avete gl' intelletti sani
Mirate la dottrina che s'asconde
Sotto queste coperte alte e profonde. 1

1 ORLANDO INNAMORATO.

“Chick-pick, Chick-pick, which is best for you; to be a wild Chick-pick, or to live, as you are living, under the protection and care, and regular government of Man?”

Chick-pick answers and says, “Nature provides for my support quite as abundantly and as surely as you can do, and more wisely, you do not make my life happier or more secure while it lasts, and you shorten it; I have nothing to thank you for.”

“Hen-pen, Hen-pen, which is best for you; to be a wild Hen-pen, or to live as you are living, under the protection and care, and regular government of Man?”

Hen-pen answers and says: “Had I been bred up as my mother if she had been a wild Hen-pen would have bred me, I should have had the free use of my wings. I have nothing to thank you for! You take my eggs. Sometimes you make me hatch in their stead a little unnatural brood who run into the water, in spite of all my fears and of all that I can do to prevent them. You afford me protection when you can from foumarts and foxes; and you assist me in protecting my chicken from the kite, and the hawk, but this is that you may keep them for your own eating; you fatten them in coops, and then comes the Cook!”

“Cock-lock which is best for you; to be a wild Cock-lock, or to live as you are living, under the protection and care, and regular government of Man?”

Cock-lock answers and says, “Is there a man impudent enough to ask me the question! You squail at us on Shrove Tuesday; you feed us with Cock-bread, and arm us with steel spurs, that we may mangle and kill each other for your sport; you build cock-pits; you make us fight Welsh mains, and give subscription cups to the winner. And what would that Cock-lock say, who was a Cock-lock till you made him a Capon-lapon!”

“Duck-luck, Duck-luck, which is best for you, to be a wild Duck-luck, or to live as you are living under the protection and care, and regular government of Man?”

Duck-luck answers and says, “I was created to be one of the most privileged of God's creatures, born to the free enjoyment of three elements. My wings were to bear me whither I would thro' the sky, as change of season required change of climate for my well being; the waters were to afford me pastime and food, the earth repose and shelter. No bird more joyous, more active, more clean or more delighting in cleanliness than I should be, if the society of man had not corrupted my instincts. Under your regular government my wings are rendered useless to me; I waddle about the miserable precincts to which I am confined, and dabble in the dirt and grope for garbage in your gutters. And see there are green peas in the garden!”

“Turkey-lurkey, Turkey-lurkey, which is best for you; to be a wild Turkey-lurkey, or to live as you are living, under the protection, and care, and regular government of Man?”

Turkey-lurkey answers and says, “You cram us as if to show that there may be as much cruelty exercised in giving food as in withholding it. Look at the Norwich coaches for a week before Christmas! Can we think of them, think you? without wishing ourselves in the woods like our blessed ancestors, where chine, sausages and oyster-sauce are abominations which never have been heard of!” Sir Turkey-lurkey then shook and ruffled and reddened the collops of his neck, and gobbled out his curses upon man.

“Goosey-loosey, Goosey-loosey, which is best for you; to be a wild Goosey-loosey, or to live as you are living, under the protection and care and regular government of Man?”

Goosey-loosey answers and says, “It is not for any kindness to us that you turn us into your stubbles. You pluck us that you may lie the softer upon our feathers. You pull our quills that you may make pens of them. O St. Michael, what havoc is committed amongst us under the sanction of your arch-angelic name! And O Satan! what punishment wilt thou exact from those inhuman wretches who keep us in a state of continual suffering in order to induce a disease by which our livers may be enlarged for the gratification of wicked epicures! We might curse man for all that we know of his protection and care, and regular government; but,—”

BUT! said Goosey-loosey, and lifting up her wings significantly she repeated a third time that word BUT! and with a toss of the head and a twist of the snaky neck which at once indicated indignation and triumph, turned away with all the dignity that Goose-nature could express.

I understood the meaning of that But.

It was not one of those dreaded, ominous, restrictive, qualifying, nullifying or negativing Buts of which Daniel, the tenderest of all tender poets, says,

Ah! now comes that bitter word of But
Which makes all nothing that was said before!
That smoothes and wounds, that strokes and dashes more
Than flat denial, or a plain disgrace.

It was not one of those heart-withering, joy-killing, and hope-annihilating Buts. It was a minatory But, full of meaning as ever Brewer's Butt was full of beer.

However I will not broach that But in this Chapter.