to Rudyard Kipling

[Vailima, 1891.]

SIR,—I cannot call to mind having written you, but I am so throng with occupation this may have fallen aside.  I never heard tell I had any friends in Ireland, and I am led to understand you are come of no considerable family.  The gentleman I now serve with assures me, however, you are a very pretty fellow and your letter deserves to be remarked.  It’s true he is himself a man of a very low descent upon the one side; though upon the other he counts cousinship with a gentleman, my very good friend, the late Mr. Balfour of the Shaws, in the Lothian; which I should be wanting in good fellowship to forget.  He tells me besides you are a man of your hands; I am not informed of your weapon; but if all be true it sticks in my mind I would be ready to make exception in your favour, and meet you like one gentleman with another.  I suppose this’ll be your purpose in your favour, which I could very ill make out; it’s one I would be sweir to baulk you of.  It seems, Mr. McIlvaine, which I take to be your name, you are in the household of a gentleman of the name of Coupling: for whom my friend is very much engaged.  The distances being very uncommodious, I think it will be maybe better if we leave it to these two to settle all that’s necessary to honour.  I would have you to take heed it’s a very unusual condescension on my part, that bear a King’s name; and for the matter of that I think shame to be mingled with a person of the name of Coupling, which is doubtless a very good house but one I never heard tell of, any more than Stevenson.  But your purpose being laudable, I would be sorry (as the word goes) to cut off my nose to spite my face.—I am, Sir, your humble servant,

A. Stewart,
Chevalier de St. Louis.

To Mr. M’Ilvaine,
      Gentleman Private in a foot regiment,
         under cover to Mr. Coupling.

He has read me some of your Barrack Room Ballants, which are not of so noble a strain as some of mine in the Gaelic, but I could set some of them to the pipes if this rencounter goes as it’s to be desired.  Let’s first, as I understand you to move, do each other this rational courtesys; and if either will survive, we may grow better acquaint.  For your tastes for what’s martial and for poetry agree with mine.

A. S.