iii

These thoughts represented her arrogance. There remained her modesty. It did not apply in the case of Harry, because Harry lay, as it were, in the past. And he had not wanted to marry her. Did Monty? Patricia's thought of that was a wild blur. But the secret of her feeling of resentment towards Edgar suddenly emerged once more in the modest mood which now came. She had been able to charm Harry: she both attracted and excited Monty: she did not know what could attract Edgar to herself, since she felt she did not charm him at all. How charm the basilisk? If she tried to charm him he would think her farouche.

"He likes the truth. He'd soon find out that there's nothing in me at all. I'm only a shallow, pleasure-loving girl, who's caught his eye because she's pretty and young. That's nothing. Fifty thousand girls would do as much. He'd find me out. There's nothing in me. There's only vanity and ... and wickedness. He wouldn't like that. He'd be displeased with me for not being wise and good ... and sensible....

"He's kind. I trust him....

"What on earth am I talking like this for? Anybody would think I wanted to persuade myself to marry him. I don't. I don't love him; and never could love him; and I'll never marry him. He'd bore me. Besides, it's ridiculous. It's not as though I'd asked him to want me. I'm not a beggar—yet. And he doesn't really want to marry me at all. He couldn't care for me.

"I'm inferior to him. I have thoughts and feelings he wouldn't like. I'm full of ugliness and selfishness and wickedness.

"I'm no good. I'm no good to anybody. I'm horrible.

"Not really quite horrible. I'm only a ... you see, I'm ... I am nice. I am good!

"No, I'm no good. I'm no good to anybody...." There was a long tormented pause. Very low, with a sudden flush of blood to the cheeks, in an almost vicious despair:

"Except Monty...."