19.

Nachdem Lewin die Kinderstube verlassen hatte und allein war, fiel ihm sogleich jener Gedanke wieder ein, in dem ihm etwas unklar geblieben war.

Anstatt in den Salon zu gehen, aus welchem Stimmen vernehmbar waren, blieb er auf der Terrasse stehen und schaute, auf das Geländer gestützt, zum Himmel hinauf.

Es war schon völlig dunkel geworden, doch im Süden, wohin er blickte, waren keine Wolken sichtbar. Diese standen auf der entgegengesetzten Seite und von dorther zuckten Blitze und war ferner Donner vernehmbar. Lewin lauschte den taktmäßig von den Linden des Gartens fallenden Regentropfen und blickte zu dem ihm so wohlbekannten Sternendreieck auf und der mitten hindurchgehenden Milchstraße mit ihrem Schimmer. Bei jedem Aufleuchten des Blitzes verschwanden nicht nur die Milchstraße, sondern auch die hellen Sterne, kaum aber war der Funke erloschen, so zeigten sie sich wieder wie von einer Hand geworfen, an ihren alten Stellen.

„Nun, was beunruhigt mich denn?“ sagte Lewin zu sich, schon vorher empfindend, daß die Lösung seiner Zweifel, obwohl er dieselbe noch nicht kannte, bereits fertig in seiner Seele liege. „Ja, Eines ist die offenkundige, unzweifelhafte Offenbarung der Gottheit; das sind die Gesetze des Guten, die der Welt als Offenbarung kund gethan sind, die ich in mir fühle und zu deren Erkenntnis ich — mag ich wollen oder nicht — mit den anderen Menschen vereinigt bin zu einer einzigen Gesellschaft von Gläubigen die man Kirche nennt. Auch die Hebräer, Chinesen, Buddhisten — was sind sie?“ legte er sich jene Frage vor, die ihm so gefährlich erschienen war. „Sollten diese Hunderte von Millionen Menschen jenes höchsten Gutes beraubt sein, ohne welches das Dasein keinen Sinn hat?“ Er wurde nachdenklich, raffte sich aber sogleich wieder auf, „wonach frage ich denn? Ich frage nach den Beziehungen aller der verschiedenen Glaubensrichtungen der ganzen Menschheit zur Gottheit. Ich frage nach der allgemeinen Offenbarung Gottes für die ganze Welt mit all diesen Nebelflecken dort oben. Was aber thue ich? Mir persönlich, meinem Herzen ist jene Erkenntnis unzweifelhaft geoffenbart, die unerreichbar bleibt für den Verstand, während ich sie hartnäckig durch meinen Verstand und mein Wort ausdrücken will. Weiß ich denn nicht, daß die Sterne nicht wandelten?“ frug er sich, nach einem hellleuchtenden Planeten aufschauend, der bereits seine Stellung zu dem obersten Ast einer Birke verändert hatte. „Dennoch aber kann ich mir, auf die Bewegung der Sterne blickend, nicht auch vorstellen, daß die Erde sich bewegt, und ich habe doch recht mit der Behauptung, daß die Sterne wandeln. Hätten denn die Astronomen etwas erkennen und berechnen können, wenn sie alle die verwickelten verschiedenartigen Bewegungen der Erde mit ins Auge gefaßt hätten? Alle ihre wunderbaren Schlüsse über den Abstand, das Gewicht, die Bewegungen und Veränderungen der Himmelskörper sind nur auf der wahrnehmbaren Bewegung der Gestirne rings um die unbewegliche Erde begründet, auf der nämlichen Bewegung, die jetzt vor mir liegt und so gewesen ist für Millionen von Menschen im Lauf von Jahrhunderten und stets sich gleich bleiben wird, auch stets kontrolliert werden kann. Ebenso nun, wie die Schlüsse der Astronomen müßig gewesen sein würden, wären sie nicht auf den Beobachtungen des sichtbaren Himmels mit einem Meridian und einem Horizont begründet, ebenso würden auch meine Schlüsse müßig sein, wären sie nicht auf dem Begriff des Guten begründet, das für alle stets vorhanden war und unangetastet bleiben wird, und, mir durch das Christentum geoffenbart, in meiner Seele stets beglaubigt werden kann. Die Fragen nach anderen Glaubensrichtungen und deren Beziehungen zur Gottheit habe ich weder das Recht noch das Vermögen, zu entscheiden.“

„Bist du nicht heimgegangen?“ erklang plötzlich die Stimme Kitys, die auf demselben Wege nach dem Salon ging. „Was sagst du, bist du nicht bei Laune?“ sprach sie, ihm aufmerksam beim Scheine der Sterne ins Gesicht blickend. Sie würde dieses aber nicht genau erkannt haben, wenn ihn nicht abermals ein Blitz, der die Sterne verdunkelte, beleuchtet hätte. Bei dem Schein desselben gewahrte sie sein Antlitz und lächelte, nachdem sie bemerkt hatte, daß es ruhig und froh erschien.

„Sie versteht,“ dachte er, „sie weiß woran ich denke. Soll ich es ihr sagen oder nicht? Ja, ich sage es ihr.“

Doch gerade im Augenblick, als er zu sprechen beginnen wollte, ergriff auch sie das Wort.

„Mein Konstantin, thu' mir doch den Gefallen,“ sagte sie, „und gehe nach dem Eckzimmer, um nachzusehen, ob für Sergey Iwanowitsch alles in Ordnung gebracht ist. Für mich ist das nicht recht schicklich. Hat man ein neues Waschbecken hineingestellt?“

„Gut, ich werde sofort gehen,“ sagte Lewin, indem er aufstand und sie küßte. „Nein, ich brauche nicht zu reden,“ dachte er, während sie ihm voranschritt. „Dies ist ein Geheimnis, das nur für mich war, wichtig und nicht in Worten auszudrücken. Dieses neue Gefühl hat mich nicht verraten, nicht des Glückes beraubt, mich nicht plötzlich erleuchtet, wie ich geträumt hatte — ebensowenig wie die Empfindung für meinen Sohn. Es war auch keine Überraschung dabei. Ist dies nun der Glaube, oder ist er es nicht, ich weiß nicht, was es ist, aber es ist mir unmerklich in meinen Leiden gekommen und hat sich in meiner Seele fest eingenistet. Ich werde noch immer so auf meinen Kutscher Iwan zornig werden, werde noch so weiter disputieren, meine Gedanken rückhaltlos aussprechen, es wird die heilige Mauer bestehen bleiben zwischen meiner Seele und den anderen, selbst meinem Weibe, ich werde dieses auch tadeln wegen seiner Furcht, und Reue darüber empfinden und werde nicht mit dem Verstande begreifen, warum ich bete; aber ich werde beten und mein Leben, mein ganzes Leben soll jetzt von allem unabhängig sein, was sich mit mir ereignen kann; keine Minute desselben soll mehr gedankenlos bleiben — wie früher — sondern die nicht anzuzweifelnde Idee des Guten in sich tragen, die ich die Macht besitze, ihr einzupflanzen.“

Ende.

Anmerkungen zur Transkription

Die Originalschreibweise und kleinere Inkonsistenzen in der Rechtschreibung und Formatierung wurden beibehalten. Offensichtliche Druckfehler wurden korrigiert.

Die unterschiedlichen Schreibweisen der Vor- und Zunamen wurden beibehalten, außer es handelt sich um offensichtliche Druckfehler.

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